No comfort here

The world will spin and ill commit a sin,
But you'll get no comfort here.
The sharks will bite and they'll curse something's not right,
But you'll get no comfort here.
A man will die and from my heart ill cry,
But you'll get no comfort here.
All our ears will ring till those birds they cease to sing,
But you'll get no comfort here.
Ill carry that mop to the highest tree top,
But you'll get no comfort here.
My wounds will reopen and get checked by a locum,
But you'll get no comfort here.
Even if you stamp your feet till the flood boards creek,
You'll get no comfort here.
Sob yourself a river, make yourself quiver,
But you'll get no comfort here.
Fragile china will drop, you'll split the lot,
But you'll get no comfort here.
You work hard, believe and achieve,
But you'll get no comfort here.
Stand hard as a rock and they will all mock,
But you'll get no comfort here.
Smile like your glad, let it turn you mad,
But you'll get no comfort here.
Stand face to face and act in haste,
But you'll get no comfort here.
Cry your eyes red, say every word left unsaid,
But you'll get no comfort here.
Write another letter, pray things get better,
But you'll get no comfort here.
Drop to your knees, beg of her when no-one else see's,
But you'll get no comfort here.
You'll grow strong even without a knee to sit upon,
But you'll get no comfort here.
The past will fade and the aching will stay were it laid,
But you'll get no comfort here.
Question will be asked, you will laugh,
You'll get no comfort here,
Head held high even with pain going on inside,
You'll get no comfort here,
Many memories held of the looks that turned you cold,
You'll get no comfort here,
Fall hard alone to stand up without a single moan,
You'll get no comfort here,
Growing up in a flash but these moments they last,
You'll get no comfort here,
Compassion didn't exsist, just another chore on their list,
You'll get no comfort here,
oh no, no comfort my dear..

My first 20 years spent, I wave my teens goodbye,
How the years have flown oh my,
From child to now, no time to sigh or dwell,
My memories mine to show & tell,
I laughed as I watched Keenan & kell,
Cried inside when no-one could tell,
Baked cakes that had a lingering smell,
upon my demons I cast a spell,
Been exposed to fights till my head rang like a bell,
Mostly years dominated by School and friends,
the battles with myself that I never thought would end,
holidays to skegness with pocket money to spend,
I learned many things I didn't intend,
But lots left to learn I won't pretend,
The things I lent & never got back,
Stuff I broke or left with a crack,
Up high on a ride or in the garden with my tent,
These are the flashbacks of years well spent,
Cheeky but loyal, I said what I meant,
Obsessed with my toy doll till she bent,
Talking in riddles to some but I always knew what I meant,
Addicted to pintrest and many emails sent,
With a collection of Betty boops and clothes,
Moments and photos I have loads,
Summer days in the rock garden or at home as dad mowed,
Iv seen so much yet nothing at all,
In this big world I'm still so small,
Iv come along away but still won't answer a call,
Sunday mornings with my own Carboot stall,
Friday nights at the labour club with family and all,
Looking back its clear to see,
No more teens maybe but this isn't the end of me,
I'm an adult now but inside still their baby,
In this new chapter ill concer the world maybe,
As I dance around this planet in the seas of navy,
The road hasn't always been easy, infact very shady,
But through all of this I turned from teen to lady..

Dear 40 year old me,
So those 20 years went by fast and I wonder if your still the same girl who wrote this 240 months ago..
Here now, aged a few weeks shy of 20 my brain races forward with thoughts of the future, of the you reading this now but I very much live in the past.

I grieve badly, I ache even more so for stability & guidance.
In a generation that swims in the ocean, i paddle in a bowl..
Have you fixed this? Please say you have..
In a world full off people are you still lonely? Have you made it? Are you happy? Please say you are.

The nights that spoilt the mornings they turned into lost years. Please say you've stop listening to thoughts who didnt listen to you?
Remember, remember me. It hurts right? Never. Ever be this you, your destined for more, even I know that.

Do you have enough to make you smile? Are you thankful? I don't wish you to have everything, i never wanted you to have everything, just enough to keep your head high but your feet still grounded..

I hope I taught you a lot, I hope you kept the memories and used them wisely. Did the crying make your tears stronger or Do you still take hours to fall asleep?
Did the laughter make you keep the faith or Do you still hide behind a smile?
Are you still me, have the years made you bitter or better?
Do risks still make you shake? Do changes still scare you? Do you plan ahead now or still believe you won't be around next week?
The people we know now, do they know the older you? Do they like this you or new you better? Have I lost many people I love or do they still surround you? Go and see them. You never did it enough in 2012, it's 20 years late, do it now..

Have you aged gracefully? Do you have regrets? Do you still surround yourself with childhood things and items from happier times? Do you still own that little white chair?
Do you cling on to memories of being 20?
Do you wish you were me?

Your not dead yet. Change what's making you sad, smile more, do everything you wanted to do 20 years ago and didn't..
Be emotional, crazy, random, confused and stay true to your roots but for god sake Jenna, be you!
Live a lot, laugh even more and be bloody happy because you weren't back then.
Enjoy the rest of your days,
Forever you, J x

July, how I despise thee.

Call me bitter, say its self loathing but i did not deserve your pain infused days. Your twisted hands of fate hit me hard and kept on twisting.
Just like a tornado, you shocked me but the after effects, the hole in my soul that you created, the long lasting legacy of horrid is what will hurt the most.
You have tainted my life.
July you nasty annual burden! How dare you be so vicious.
Rip out my heart, stamp on my toes then come back exactly one year onto repeat your evil process.
Not again, oh no not to me. I refuse to lay down, roll over, stand back and let you do this to me ever.ever.ever.again.
You may have won the battle but my darling the war is still mine to be won.
Oh July, why be cruel?
Long gone the month where your days were a pleasure to me.
I hope you are happy, you made me cry. False smiles, blocked out memories every single July.
All 31 days I wish to erase, touched by pain and containing my fragile secrets & raw emotions.
You come & you go, you keep taking but never giving.
Your poison.
You leave hearts shattered, lives incomplete far to often, far to easily.
Oh July, oh horrid, vulgar July, how I despise thee.