Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Dear 40 year old me,
So those 20 years went by fast and I wonder if your still the same girl who wrote this 240 months ago..
Here now, aged a few weeks shy of 20 my brain races forward with thoughts of the future, of the you reading this now but I very much live in the past.

I grieve badly, I ache even more so for stability & guidance.
In a generation that swims in the ocean, i paddle in a bowl..
Have you fixed this? Please say you have..
In a world full off people are you still lonely? Have you made it? Are you happy? Please say you are.

The nights that spoilt the mornings they turned into lost years. Please say you've stop listening to thoughts who didnt listen to you?
Remember, remember me. It hurts right? Never. Ever be this you, your destined for more, even I know that.

Do you have enough to make you smile? Are you thankful? I don't wish you to have everything, i never wanted you to have everything, just enough to keep your head high but your feet still grounded..

I hope I taught you a lot, I hope you kept the memories and used them wisely. Did the crying make your tears stronger or Do you still take hours to fall asleep?
Did the laughter make you keep the faith or Do you still hide behind a smile?
Are you still me, have the years made you bitter or better?
Do risks still make you shake? Do changes still scare you? Do you plan ahead now or still believe you won't be around next week?
The people we know now, do they know the older you? Do they like this you or new you better? Have I lost many people I love or do they still surround you? Go and see them. You never did it enough in 2012, it's 20 years late, do it now..

Have you aged gracefully? Do you have regrets? Do you still surround yourself with childhood things and items from happier times? Do you still own that little white chair?
Do you cling on to memories of being 20?
Do you wish you were me?

Your not dead yet. Change what's making you sad, smile more, do everything you wanted to do 20 years ago and didn't..
Be emotional, crazy, random, confused and stay true to your roots but for god sake Jenna, be you!
Live a lot, laugh even more and be bloody happy because you weren't back then.
Enjoy the rest of your days,
Forever you, J x